Disclaimer: This was my experience, it may not work for everyone. Here is how I went from practically no libido (obligatory sex every week on average) to a much higher libido (sex 5ish times a week on average). Step One!
Today's tip is for High Libido and Low Libido partners.
The first thing my husband and I did in order to bridge the gap between our varying libidos was to find a compromise. He wanted sex daily, I wanted sex about once a week. Averaged out to every other day; 3-4 times per week! So, as unsexy as it seems, we scheduled sex nights. Yeah, you lose the spontaneity. But when you have responsive desire ( as opposed to spontaneous desire), mixed with a host of other issues dampening your libido, scheduling sex actually takes a lot of the pressure off. If a person with responsive desire waits until they are randomly turned on, it may never happen! That was the case with me after long term birth control, 2 young children, and terrible sleep for years.
SCHEDULE YOUR SEX NIGHTS
It's really important to find a number that both partners can accept. Set up the ground rules. Obviously, consent is never removed here, but partners should give these nights a really solid attempt at getting physical. Whether that be full-on penetration, oral sex, hand jobs, making out. Whatever you guys decide is necessary for it to "count". If you are in the thick of it, and still just not interested, I would advise you to cool off and try again on the next sex night, lest you may come to see (or continue to see) sex as a chore. That is the OPPOSITE of the goal here.
If you schedule sex, there are a number of benefits:
For the low libido (LL) partner:
You will be able to relax more when you know exactly when sex is "expected"
You will be able to take extra steps to get into the mood fully beforehand, leading to better reception to more sex overall.
For the high libido (HL) partner:
You will not have to initiate and fear rejection.
You will not have to wonder when is the next time you'll have sex.
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