Disclaimer: This stuff worked for me, it may not work for everyone.
Today's tip is for High Libido and Low Libido partners.
One of my personal biggest libido-killers was feeling emotionally disconnected from my husband. Yes, even competing with having birthed 2 babies, many years of birth control pills, and crap sleep; the emotional block REALLY killed my libido.
I felt like I was in an extremely vulnerable position at all times during sex (technically true, I guess), and I just didn't want to open up and be physically vulnerable when my husband had closed off from me emotionally. The frustrating part is at that same time, my husband didn't want to open up to me emotionally because he felt physically distant. A horrible cycle where we were both unsatisfied and withdrew into ourselves to avoid being hurt.
EMOTIONALLY CONNECT
When we scheduled sex nights, we decided that the other nights would be quality time. We would not play on our phones or on the computer. We would sit together and talk, play a board game, maybe watch a show together. This evolved into regular conversations about everything for us. It wasn't all sunshine and daisies, and we ended up uncovering some long-term hurts that had built up resentment over the years. So, in the process of growing closer, we had quite a few arguments. It's been a bumpy road for a while, but it always came back around to us being happy together, and in love.
I look at it now as similar to when you are cleaning out the garage. When you are halfway done it looks worse than when you started! But in the end it is perfect.
For our quality time, we mostly set aside time to just talk about whatever was on our minds. Sometimes we'd look up quizzes for getting to know each other. Many times we've looked up couples counseling tools for building our trust and communication skills. Some of these seemed silly or unnecessary, but in the end even if they were silly, we did them together and had the memories laughing about it.
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